Question: What is small, red and whispers?
Answer: A hoarse radish.
Question: What did the radish say when it won the race?
Answer: I really turnip-ed my game!
Question: What do bees wear in the rain?
Answer: Their yellow jackets.
Question: What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
Answer: You’re one in a melon.
Question: What did one snowman say to the other?
Answer: Do you smell carrot?
Question: Why don’t farmers tell secrets?
Answer: Because the corn has ears
Question: What did the sweet potato say to the pumpkin?
Answer: I yam what I yam
Question: How do you fix a broken tomato?
Answer: Tomato paste
Question: Why was the potato so quiet?
Answer: It was a medi-tater.
Question: Why couldn’t the cucumber stay at the party?
Answer: Because it was all pickled out!
Question: Why did the asparagus take up gardening?
Answer: It wanted to connect with its roots.
Question: What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Answer: Global worming!
Question: Which is the most popular pickle in spring?
Answer: Daffo-dills.
Question: What is a cabbage’s favorite winter activity?
Answer: Shredding the gnar!
Question: What is a snowman’s favorite type of vegetable?
Answer: A snow pea!
Question: What type of clothing is best for November?
Answer: A har-vest.
Question: How do gourds get so strong?
Answer: By pumpkin iron.
Question: What is a potato’s least favorite day?
Answer: Fry-day
Question: What kind of apple throws the best parties?
Answer: Gala apples.
Question: What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
Answer: You mean a great dill to me!
Question: Why is kale never lonely?
Answer: Because they come in bunches.
Question: What grows under your nose?
Answer: Tulips!
Question: What did the gardener say when the kids made fun of her compost pile?
Answer: That’s degrading!
Question: What cover crop do they use at the North Pole?
Answer: Elf-alfa!
Question: Who helped the butternut squash cross the road?
Answer: The crossing gourd!
Question: Why was the pumpkin scared after she was carved into a jack-o-lantern?
Answer: Because she had no guts!
Question: Why do cows tell such good jokes?
Answer: Because they’re a-moooooo-sing!
Question: What kind of headphones to farmers use?
Answer: Beets by Dre!
Question: What do you call a potato that has gone to the dark side?
Answer: Vader tot!
Question: What do farmers talk about when they’re milking cows?
Answer: Udder nonsense!
Question: What did the seed say when the flower was being annoying?
Answer: OK, Bloomer!
Question: What did the farmer say to the tired cow?
Answer: It’s pasture bedtime!
Question: How did the farmer fix the hole in her clothes?
Answer: A cabbage patch!
Question: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
Answer: To get to the other slide!
Question: What’s small, red, and whispers?
Answer: A hoarse radish!
Question: Did you hear about the fox who only ate from gardens?
Answer: I think I’ve heard of herbivore!
Question: Why did everyone think the tree was being mean?
Answer: Because it kept throwing shade!
Question: What did gardener say when she found a fungus on her plants?
Answer: Guess there’s mushroom for improvement.
Question: What did the strawberry say after arguing with the blueberry?
Answer: Let’s berry the hatchet!
Question: What did the gardener say to her favorite plants?
Answer: I love you from my head tomatoes!
Question: Which wise herb did the garlic ask for advice?
Answer: Sage!
Question: What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Answer: Garden hose!
Question: Why can’t a flower write a bike in the winter?
Answer: Because it has lost its ped/tals!
Question: Which herb is best at cheerleading?
Answer: Encourage-mint!
Question: What did the carrot say to the beet on Election Day?
Answer: Turnip and vote!
Question: What’s orange and sounds like parrot?
Answer: Carrot!
Question: What is the crankiest fruit?
Answer: A crab apple!
Question: What did the greens say when it started to snow?
Answer: Lettuce in! It’s cold outside!
Question: What did the carrot say to the beet during the big game?
Answer: I’m rooting for you!
Question: What do get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Answer: Pumpkin Pi!
Question: What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Answer: Gourd-geous!
Question: What’s the fastest vegetable?
Answer: A runner bean!
Question: What is a kayaker’s favorite lettuce?
Answer: Row-maine!
Question: What does a nosey pepper do?
Answer: Gets jalapeño business!
Question: What kind of soda do trees drink?
Answer: Root beer!
Question: What is frog’s favorite flower?
Answer: A croak-us!
Question: What do you call strawberries playing guitars?
Answer: A strawberry jam session!
Question: Why did the radish whisper to the turnip?
Answer: Because it was a hoarse radish!
Question: What vegetables will bite you if you aren’t careful?
Answer: Pars-nips!
Question: What did the acorn say when she grew up?
Answer: Geometry! (Gee, I’m a tree!)
Question: Why did the gardner need a cork?
Answer: His garden sprung a leek!
Question: Can I tell you the story about the herb garden?
Answer: No, I don’t have enough thyme!
Question: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
Answer: Peas on Earth!
Question: What is a dancer’s favorite salad?
Answer: SPIN-ach!
Question: Why did the potatoes break up?
Answer: Because they couldn’t see eye to eye!
Question: What did the edamame wear to his wedding?
Answer: A 3-peas suit!
Question: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Answer: Pumpkin pi!
Question: What is small, red, and whispers?
Answer: A hoarse radish!
Question: What is a taxi driver’s favorite kind of vegetable?
Answer: CABbage!
Question: How do new gardeners learn?
Answer: By trowel and error!
Question: Why do melons have such fancy weddings?
Answer: Because they cantaloupe!
Question: Which vegetable does a sailor hate?
Answer: Leeks!
Question: What did the DJ say at the garden party?
Answer: Lettuce turnip the beet!
Question: What does corn say when it feels embarrassed?
Answer: Aw, shucks!
Question: What do chickens grow on?
Answer: Eggplants!
Question: What’s a zucchini’s favorite sport?
Answer: Squash!
Question: Why should you never tell secrets on a farm?
Answer: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn have ears!
Question: What do you call a carrot with corners?
Answer: A square root!
Question: What do you call a duck that is afraid to get into the water?
Answer: A chicken.
Question: What vegetable is most closely related to people?
Answer: The human-BEAN!
Question: What is the worst vegetable to have on the grill?
Answer: Chard!
Question: What did the CSA members say to each other as they were approaching the exit on the highway?
Answer: “This must be the fork to farm!”
Question: What did one lettuce say to the others lettuces when they saw a rabbit coming?
Answer: “Everyone, romaine calm!”
Question: What do carrots do in their free time?
Answer: Veg out!
Question: What do you call a bee that lives in America?
Answer: A USB!
Question: What kind of flower gives the best kisses?
Answer: Tulips!
A veggie dialogue:
Fungi: “Knock, knock.”
Broccoli: “Who’s there?”
Fungi: “It’s fungi. Can I come in?”
Broccoli: “Sure, but there’s not mushroom in here!”
Question: What do you call a 100 year old wizard who never wears shoes and lives on garlic?
Answer: A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis! (Say it fast with a sing-song voice and think of Mary Poppins!)
Question: What did one chickpea say to the other?
Answer: Hummus a tune!
Some varieties of chickpeas DO grow in Wisconsin! Yum!
Question: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
Answer: A cabbage patch.
Thanks to Melissa Hayes for finding this joke!
Question: How do new gardners learn?
Answer: By trowel and error
Thanks to Erin Moriearty for finding this joke!
Question: What do you call an angry pea?
Answer: A grum-pea!
Thanks to Madeleine Fischer for finding this joke!
Question:What is a tomato’s favorite song?
Answer: Down By the Basil
Thanks to Leia Young for inventing this joke!
Question: What is small, red, and whispers?
Answer: A hoarse radish!
Thanks to the Secret Seed Society for that one.
Question: What is Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable?
Answer: Broccoli (Barack-oli, get it?)
Thanks to Andrew Walsh for inventing this joke!
Question: What do vegetables use to defend themselves?
Answer: Pepper spray.
Question: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Answer: Pumpkin pi.
Question: What did the farmer say when he lost all his vegetables?
Answer: “Oh, they’ll turnip somewhere!”
